Dancing Oblivion

Jake's House

Visited the house for the first time since the wake. It's painful to look at pictures from the past and know that she was there and now she's not. Strange.

Trust

Apparently I have trust issues...

perhaps it's just that I question motivation. Forgive, never forget, question motives.

ever been

spiraling so fast that every turn brings you further down than up all sense of direction gone no bubbles to follow or light questioning then who does have your best interest in mind not him he negates too often not me too self effacing and the system is just demoralizing the things that matter the most which move close enough for you to touch and smell but too far for you to grab for safety that you can never have because it was denied years ago when you spiraled up sliding around a street sign feeling the tug of reality but happily closing your eyes to the warm sunshine on your face

maybe that's when you died
that's why things seem so good
every year can't get better
no one is that fortunate
except that lady in the west at the nameless diner serving pie happy with the aquanet and anonymity

yep, except her

Fall picture time

Movies I watch, more than once

Breakfast at Tiffany's (so often Will clued in to buy it for a gift...really is a big deal)

Love, Actually

Bridget Jones' Diary

Sixteen Candles

Gone with the Wind (recitation on demand)

Summer School

The End of the Affair

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Footloose

Clue

Baby Boom

Funny Farm

Ghost

GhostBusters

Enchanted

Chicago

Peggy Sue Got Married

I'm awaiting a committee meeting tomorrow at 1pm. Guess I can waste time watching movies...and ...so forth...

Blues Brothers

Holiday Inn

Forgetting Sarah Marshall..cereal and surfing

Election

Requiem for a Dream

Notting Hill (really love it)

Imagine Me & You

Love Story

Almost anything with Parker Posey...so funny

St. Elmo's Fire (always wanted to have a group like that...I think I did...didn't like my role)

The Last Starfighter

The Lost Boys

Point Break

Logan's Run

Adventure's in Babysitting

Red Dawn

Road House

Big Trouble in Little China

Real Genius

Top Guns

more for later

Photo

Happy Halloween Gators!!

Arg

Some people are so full of shit...but so be it. Just. be. genuine. honest. sincere. polite. open. kind.

Faltering happens

Lacking kindness on occasion

Humble infrequently

But

Always

Genuine and Open

Very cool...I wanna do it too

Big ass spider

I love lawn work. In the race to the lawnmower, I always win...or at least Will lets me think I've won. Sunday I went to the cavernous bomb shelter to get the lawnmower and was confronted by a BIG ASS SPIDER! Now you are thinking that I'm exaggerating and just thought it was large...being that I'm terrified of the little freaks, but NO, it really was a BIG ASS SPIDER. I woke Will from a snooze on the sofa because I had to show him this mutant living under the house. My brave fella got the flashlight and went into the den of freakish insects and arachnids to search out the critter. He looked around and saw nothing then, crunch, or more like, mush. I think he broke one of it's legs. We put the specimen in a glass jar so we could both be disgusted by the furry brown gag inspiring creature. That's all, nothing else, it was gross, Will caught it, I think there may be more, it's in a jar, and it was a BIG ASS SPIDER.

In other news, classes started and this will be my last year of coursework. I've got the year worked out so that I will no longer have to sit through three hours of mind and ass numbing lectures. I can't tell you how relieved I feel. Now it just comes down to keeping up and learning something for comps and dissertation. Understand, however, that I might not have a job lined up to pay for this lifetime of debt, as I am too old and weathered to strip and my people skills (or lack there of) stop me from working reception. We'll see.

Mason has become Scarlett's shadow. It is so heartwarming to see the two of them running around and playing. He wants to do whatever she is doing. If she sits in the floor working on a puzzle, he is right there messing with the pieces. Scarlett loves her brother or her baby. She races to see him first thing in the morning and gets upset if anyone else opens his door. They are the coolest kids...no goobers here. Mason has started saying many new words: Mabel, Jack, kitty, dog, Moo, Baa, Momma, Dada, this or that, all done, more more, bye and hi. There are more, but I can't think of them at the moment. Scarlett can read some words and can write almost anything. She carries around a little notebook taking notes. She looks like a miniature Nancy Drew, so cute.

Planning a trip to FL

We didn't make it over the summer...too much going on at the house.

Looks like Will is making plans...wants to see family and friends.

Don't know when...sometime in September.

From Hope

Check out this site, enter your zip code and it will tell you what you can recycle in your area.

Just enjoy the show

Tupelo in The Cave

Last weekend I was fortunate enough to enjoy the melodies of an old friend, Ashley Chambliss. At 14, I can remember sitting by her piano and listen to her create a storm of sound. She turned the keyboard into an entire orchestra...she was 16. We laughed, sang, played, and drank (yes mom and dad). We used cans of hair spray to get awesome beehives and drove our chorus teacher nuts with laughter. Sharing clothes, make up, and secrets, we had fun. I probably had a crush on her. I remember a falling out...I think over a peach prom dress (can you believe it?). So many years ago, but still, I find her amazing. She feels and puts it out there with her songs.

A few years ago we started chatting and emailing, yay technology. We shared stories about our life paths with brutal honesty. It seemed easy to be honest about the suburbs with someone I felt connected to in an oppositional way.

She is so talented. Her skill at the keyboard and her heartfelt songs mean something to me. Even Hope, once commented on how much she loved Ashley's music. You can look in the archive for her reference. Ashley inspires me. I watch her play in a dingy dark "cave" with low hanging ceilings and a shop vac duct taped to the toilet. Red wine courage brought me into the bar and the minute I heard her say my name, I felt like one of those screeching "Oh My God" girls.

Her performance was great and I can't wait to see her play again. She seems like she is in such a good place in her life. So talented, thoughtful, beautiful, and peaceful...I hope I can make a positive impact in her life, too.

Much love to you Ashley

Anna

What I do know

is that you are there for me....our roaming bubble of health, happiness, and kindness.

you can talk for 12 hours about college football, players turned pro, and college conspiracy theories.

you let me sleep in on Saturday morning...knowing that Sunday you may not get to sleep in for as long.

the happiest moments in my life were because of you.

you took the baggage, the jealousy, the skinny broken teenager...the whole package, bumps, bruises, family and all.

you are there, always.

in the middle of the night when that terror strikes, so rare now, you will get out of bed and turn the lights on in the house and walk me to the kitchen. You're awake, you say. and it's ok.

you are a better judge of people's intentions, sometimes.

you sure can run.

everyday, I remember fewer days of me and more days of us, and I like it.

you crack a mean coconut...one of my favorite days...ever.

the card reader in Jackson Square in New Orleans told us that I was going to have a couple of amazing things happen in my life and that you better hope to be there...they did and you were there...

you let me throw a broom at you.

against unappreciative eyes, you carried my laundry.

Zook didn't scare you away.

get your geek on Friday is fun because of you.

you fold laundry and remove spiders, my superhero.

I linger in stores, "just one more thing," you let me be that bag lady scavenger.

you want a crazy RV too.

On the way to the post office

S: Where are we going?

Me: Just down the street. (the kid knows how to get anywhere and everywhere)

S: are we going to the place where you mailed those letters that time, remember that

Me: Yes, that is where we're going. I do remember.

S: Why did you mail those letters?

Me: They were different types of letters. Some to friends and family.

S: Why did you send them letters?

Me: Because I care about them and love them.

S: and you miss them?

Me: That too.

S: I want to send a letter to Aunt Hope, cause I miss her.

Tears

Today

Changing Mason's poop diaper after lunch

He reached up and grabbed my hair laughing

Gooey substance

Peanut butter or poop?

Mommydom

Yesterday

I was out painting the deck and I had a conversation with Hope. I asked her what I should tell Scarlett because of the random and varied questions she throws at me. We'll be driving in the car or she'll be watching a show and suddenly start crying or become sad, "because I miss Aunt Hope."

We'll today we we're watching a recording of So You Think You Can Dance...we like to pretend we can dance, Scarlett and I. Damn them for giving us a reason to talk.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TINA!!!

A day early so that I said it First!!