Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Fuck You Cancer (Will, stop reading)

I had a dream about Hope. It was kind of nice, then it turned on its nasty little head.

Jennifer, Hope and I were all on vacation (random). We were in some remote Fiji-esque place lounging in one of those huts with mosquito nets and billowy white sheers all around. I turned to talk to Hope and looked at the small of her back. She had the most beautiful glowing skin. I couldn't believe it. We were all talking about how beautiful and glowing we were when I realized that something wasn't right. Hope was dead...I knew it, but here she was...lounging and laughing.

This is where it gets kind of Total Recall. Will's mom shows up to tell me that the person lounging next to me isn't the original Hope.

"We've had her cloned," she said.

And at first I'm ok with it all, then I start thinking Jurassic Park and Lost and freak out because I think she's just going to get cancer again. "Is she going to get sick again?" I ask.

"Yes, she probably will," answers T, "but at least we get to spend time with her for a few years."

At this point, I'm livid, "You can't do that! She can't go through that again!" Then I add, "I can't go through that again!"

Sobs...lots of crying and yelling. "Have you told her? Does she know she's a clone?" I ask.

"No," says T. "We didn't think it was a good idea," she adds.

Now I get even angrier. I haven't felt that kind of conviction for months, hell, maybe a year. I was just so upset that she was going to suffer, even though I got to lounge on a beach with her and her beautiful glowing skin.

Funny, I don't think she would have been lounging on the beach in the first place.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hey there Iris

These are the iris bulbs that came from my grandmother's house in Georgia. They survived the trip and this is the second bloom while in NC. SO pretty...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Good Gravy

The loveliness that is Colin Firth is in Durham. Damn you flu, damn you straight to hell for keeping me from properly stalking this beautiful man!

Sunday, April 19, 2009


I have just risen from a 24 hour sleep. The last thing I remember was around 2pm on Friday...it's now Sunday. An entire weekend went by and I have nothing to show for it, other than a very distinct smell. I stink, but it kind of reminds me of the funk of a really good workout or a day of working in the yard. The kind of smell that makes you wrinkle your nose, while at the same time, make you feel a sense of accomplishment. The smell of accomplishment. I've probably crossed the tmi line, but I'm alive and sitting upright...that's quite and accomplishment.

Mason has mastered the stairs.

Scarlett had her 4 year well check this week. She was bouncing off the walls, recovering from the flu. I can only hope that I'll be bouncing off the walls in a couple of hours. I've got so much writing to do! So we went through the check up with her climbing on the table, off the table, running to one wall, then the other...mass consultation room chaos. She's super tall for her age and Dr. Susan made the comment that she looks older than 4. This doesn't help the crazy bouncing of the walls image. The session ended with Scarlett being upset because she wasn't brave during her shots.

"They hurt," she said. I think she was surprised.

"It's ok to cry, I know they hurt," I tried to comfort her.

"I'm sad because I wasn't brave," says the 4 yr old. I don't know why she thought she had to be brave.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It is beautiful in spring

I can't breathe. My nose is in a constant state of agitation, running...stuffy, but damn, it is so nice outside. The trees are blooming, the irisssesssess are peeking out of the buds, and as I sit here in the yard, my computer screen gains a dusting of pollen. I had to get away from the sound of hammering and sawing. The guys in the attic are blaring the country music as they work. It's not the Faith Hill kind either, it's that real country stuff.

"Lord have mercy, baby's got her blue jeans on..." How I wish I didn't know so many song lyrics.

I should be working on one of the many projects I have for this semester. It's difficult to read with the cold in my head. I've got a teacher education curriculum to design, immigration and education paper to write, and a qualitative research study on teacher-led study groups to drum up. In addition, there's the audio recordings to transcribe, papers to grade for the course I teach, pedagogical autobiography to write, symposium presentation, letter to the president, and articles to read...oh, and I need to find a job. In all, things couldn't be better. I'll get over my cold eventually, the kids are healthy, having so much work means I'm worthy of someone's time, and Will seems happy. We have friends having babies and getting married. Life is busy and full.

I just need to work on being healthy, happy, and kind.

I slid into some skinny jeans today, that was a nice surprise. I won't pretend that they're not busting at the seams, but in all...it's a start. Those are last year skinny, not lifetime skinny.

I started digging in the backyard a few weeks ago. OH, I can't stop. I have found all kinds of glass jars and bottles. I think I'm near the end of treasure hunting. The two bones seemed all too human.

To my surprise, a root canal is not very fun. Not that I expected laughs, but I did not expect tears. They let me watch a bit, then gave me the laughing gas. That stuff is not funny either. I spent the rest of the day feeling sick and sore. Like a train drove through my mouth, coal burning and all. The dentist discovered something I've known for years, I'm hypersensitive. I told her to hit me with a frying pan, but alas, no calaphon available.

I wonder what Dolly Parton looks like in person? I love singing 9 to 5.

Scarlett told me at lunch yesterday that she saw Aunt Hope at her school. She said she saw her through the window...standing in the grass. Creeped me out. Kids can be so creepy, all of them. I suppose because we assume innocence on their part and don't become suspect of what they say. Not that I think she didn't see her, maybe she did, but I also know that she gets lots of attention from me when I think she's sad. I want her to be happy.

Hank Williams, Jr. is playing through the attic windows and step-brother is singing along. On that note, I'm moving out of earshot. How about some silence fellas?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Congratulations Mack

You have a new baby brother! Welcome baby Parker John!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hey there Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny left eggs in the backyard for two sick kiddos. Mason and Scarlett both have awful allergies and then Scarlett had a terrible fever. Egg hunts and pollen, yuck.

Jake and the boys visit, finally

They really shouldn't let me do the Elaine dance in public.

So we were lucky enough to have a visit by the three wise men. It was nice to have them here and Scarlett LOVED playing. Jake and I got to sit up late chatting away, Will got his party bus on, and the boys and Scarlett made a trip to Topsail with Tina and her family. I stayed home to work.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Happy Birthday to You!

This year we didn't have the time to take off and head down to Florida for my father's birthday. It's close to Scarlett's and not during my spring break. So Happy Birthday Dad! Expect some surprises...but nothing as exciting as a gravel truck!