You never can tell

It’s the sense that you know the horrors and the bad that makes having children so difficult. I feel it looming, that cloud of danger, omnipresent and dark. They hover in the distance, lurking, waiting for a step away in trusted surroundings and a false sense of security. You can’t trust that. Not in the projects, not in the suburbs. They are there and danger is certain. It’s knowing that frightens me the most. Panic. Fear. Pain that enters in the time when I’m alone…

Last night I dreamed of a ship. The water. As it started to sink I climbed staring up at the foaming waves. The railing was white. It was an earthquake.